Man, I miss the days when I'd be walking Woody at midnight, hear "mew!" suddenly, and turn around to see Wednesday running down the block to catch up with us.

WHY does this podcast have to be two hours long? Hahaha, wow, I think I hear Morrissey. Cheer up, Morrissey! Have a pancake. And some baby ducks.

Dear First Bank,

Hi,you're pissing me off lately. Don't charge me $2.50 for not having $500 in my savings account. That's dumb. Standard, but dumb. Please stop charging me and instead give me some corn dogs, otherwise I'ma wipe the floor with your butt dipped in mop 'n glo.

Sincerely,
Heidi

PS: I bet other banks are better. And unlike you, they probably don't masturbate out the window.