I am bored. I POST!

~Last night, at the improv slam (improvslam.com), I got to duet with myself as both Britney Spears and Kermit the Frog. I'm not sure how I bent the laws of physics for that one, but someone got it on tape.

~Is my love of "Minnie the Moocher" based solely on the fact that Cab Calloway sings "Hi-de hi-de hi-de hi" over and over again? It's like he's speaking to me. ...And then making fun of me.

~I'm gonna go back in time and mate with The Hollies.

~My cat and I should star in a sitcom. I will call it "SHUT UP, WEDNESDAY". Every episode will consist of him yowling at me, and me telling him to shut his hole.

~The lyric "Ra Ra Rasputin, Russia's Greatest Love Machine" might be the greatest ever written.

~I ATE A PIZZA, SOUP, AND EASY MAC AND I'M STILL HUNGRY

~When licked, bottle caps do not stick to my nose. They just taste like old beer and fall off.

~You just be careful what you say to me, man, because my big giant boyfriend could fit your head in his mouth.